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Gary McHenry
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Personality Bio
I spent my puppyhood in Sarasota, and those were certainly the Wonder Years. As in, it's a wonder I survived. My career in radio began by stringing bare copper wire through the trees in my backyard. This was my broadcasting antenna. I bought one of those weak, cheap transmitters at Radio Shack, and ramped up the power. Pretty soon, I was broadcasting to a square mile of residents, who couldn't understand why their Mantovani suddenly turned into Paul Revere & The Raiders on "WPIN...the VOICE of Pine Shores"!
Most of my friends spent their free time playing baseball, football, or swimming. I spent free time in my room, playing radio. This earned me the nickname, "that weird kid who sits in his room playing radio". My broadcasts came to a sudden halt, when I was shut down by the chairman of the FCC (aka Dad). During a severe thunderstorm, it seems that lightning was being carried via my antenna, into my aluminum window frame, and my room looked like Dr. Frankenstein's lab. Seems those golf ball-sized ceramic insulators don't work against a bezillion volts.
About this time, I started hanging out at 1280 WYND, "Surf Row Radio". I got my big break as a record gofer, a coffee gofer, a car washer...basically anything that was needed was handled by "the weird kid who does stuff for free". During my senior year in High School, I took part in the jobs program. Attended class for 3 hours, then went to work as the afternoon DJ at an Englewood daytimer (1530 WENG).
My radio idols at the time were Don Imus (back when he was actually alive), and a guy named Jack Harris on MusicRadio 97WFLA. Jack was only 50 or so at the time (1974), and did some hilarious bits. I sent him a fan letter, he invited me up to tour the station, I met the PD who offered me a part-time gig...all in the space of about two hours. The weekend overnights soon turned into a full-time evening shift, so I packed up my Pinto and headed to Tampa.
I became good buddies with the traffic reporter at the time, Tony Zappone. He asked if I wanted to fill in for him occasionally, and I made the mistake of saying "OK". This eventually led to giving up the hot stinky control room, and moving to a hot stinky traffic booth, which later led to a hot stinky helicopter. My meteoric rise through the ranks ended there. 33 years later, I'm...uh....reporting traffic! If I see Zappone, I may inflict bodily harm. ;-)
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Tooth Or Consequences
Monday 04-21-2008 2:01am ET
I'll admit it. I'm one of those idiots that go to doctors or dentists when something hurts.
The other morning at about 2am, I awoke with a toothache that felt like I had been shot in the mouth with a bazooka. Since the nearest 24-hour dental clinic I could locate was in Orlando, I waited until the first "general dentist" opened in the Tampa area, begged for an emergency appointment, and headed over at 8:01am.
The first thing they make you do, as you suffer severe pain, is fill out 36 pages of forms. Medical history, insurance information, HIPAA privacy forms. Then, they take you to an office where they explain all of your options, and how much each costs. My mind set at the time was PULL THE DAMN THING, give me something for pain, shoot me up with Novocain....I DON'T CARE.
X-rays determined that I had an abscess, and one tooth would need to be pulled to clean it out. "Fine....pull it....NOW, PLEASE"
I was then told that this "general dentist" doesn't do extractions, but they could send me to someone who does. Huh?
Apparently, dentistry has changed drastically in the last ten years. General Dentists don't pull teeth. You have to go to a Faciologist, or a Maxillodentist, or an Endopullteethio. So, I was sent across town to ANOTHER doc. You guessed it. I sat in the waiting room, filled out the same 36 pages of paperwork, was told my options again, and finally saw the Toothomaxillologist, who loaded me with Novocain, nitrous oxide gas (the only fun part)....and exactly 12 hours after the pain began, I was on my way to the pharmacy to pick up several prescriptions.
The really fun part was waiting at the pharmacy, with a mouthful of yucky gauze, while they asked me questions.
"What's your address?" "gwagwahuythb Dhwythwink Brog"
"Your age?" "ghdjky goo"
Anyone who has ever had a severe tooth problem KNOWS that it only occurs at 2am, or on weekends. Here's an idea that will make someone a millionaire. OPEN A 24 HOUR DENTAL CLINIC!! I can get emergency care if my spleen falls out, at any hour. I can take a pet to an all-night emergency clinic. What's up with this lack of dental care, around the clock?
To the dental industry, I say "bfhoojhg joo". This Blog Now Costs $12.00
Saturday 03-22-2008 11:37am ET
Yeah, I know. You don't need to hear about rising prices from ME....but this is ridiculous. Having a herd of dawgs, most of my income is spent feeding them and supplying their demanded treats. I can live without milk and corn, but they gotta have their Pupperonis. I went to the discount box store where I always buy them. Three weeks ago, the giganto pack was $7.99. A week later, they were $8.77. Last week, they had jumped to $10.19. Yesterday, I paid $10.45. If prices are rising THAT fast, then why isn't a Big Mac now $7.99? A Taco Bell taco should be 6 bucks. Campbell's Chunky soup, especially the corn chowder, should be 8 bucks per can, shouldn't it? It's the inconsistency that drives me nuts. If you're a fan of the latest craze, "energy drinks", you've probably noticed that you can pay nearly three bucks for a 16-ounce can of Red Bullpoop® or any of the 75 other copy cats, currently flooding the market. A couple of months ago, SuperSavings R Us Mart was selling a 4-pack for $3.99. Yesterday, the same 4 cans were $5.99, and they were "on special". I checked the ingredients and didn't find corn or crude oil ANYWHERE in the list. Not a single reference to milk or wheat either. What's THEIR excuse? A worldwide ginseng plague? Can you imagine how much would be sold at the price per gallon...$24.00? I went to my nephew's baseball game last Saturday afternoon and filled up my tank on the way at $3.19 per gallon for the cheapest stuff. On the way home (3 hours later), the SAME station had raised prices to $3.22. Sunday morning, I looked and saw that the price was then $3.26. The NEXT night, it was $3.30. They apparently have full time employees who live on ladders, changing (raising) the prices every 4 hours. I think I have a solution. It wouldn't help financially, but the psychological effect may prevent price-rage at the pumps. Convert gallons to something smaller. Much of the world sells gasoline utilizing the Imperial/British gallon, which is .83% of a US gallon. Wouldn't you FEEL better if you saw a sign advertising gas at $2.73, instead of $3.30? Hell, let's go crazy and sell it by the quart! Would you like a car wash with that? They still bend your mirrors and snap off antennas for only 8 bucks.  Am I Just Stupid, Or What?
Monday 02-25-2008 1:30am ET
We are now in the midst of an election year, as you can probably tell by the 24 hours per day of television and radio coverage, not to mention magazines, newspapers and blogs. This year's campaign seemed to start about three years ago and it will seem like several MORE years until the election. A friend of mine is a polling place organizer/trainer/head honcho, and has told me about the HOURS that go into the preparation for a simple primary. Days, nights, weekends, volunteer-recruiting, getting the machines and ballots ready to go, etc. etc. (Thanks, Jerry).
Some states use the old-fashioned voting booth with levers, and a shower curtain. Some use paper ballots that you punch holes in (who can ever forget hanging chads?). There are touch screen computers, optic scanners, fingerprint readers. You can vote early. You can vote absentee. In some states, you can vote if you're dead. We can literally elect a President who receives fewer popular votes than his/her opponent.
As the bleached blonde lady exercise guru with the crew cut used to say; "STOP THE INSANITY". (I won't use Susan Powter's name. She may sue me.)
Forget delegates, super delegates, partial delegates and half-delegates. (Barack Obama just won some kind of caucus featuring "Democrats who live abroad" and picked up two and a half delegates. Really!) Huh?
Here's my plan. Let American citizens vote for the candidate of their choice. ONCE! Okay, maybe twice.
Line up all of the presidential wannabes in September of the election year. Have several debates, watch 297 speeches, listen to a bezillion commercials, and tune to news sources until you've decided who you like in each party. Then, have a NATIONAL primary. The top vote getters in each party will then spend another month making speeches, running ads and appearing on news channels being yelled at by top commentators...and conduct ONE debate. This debate can run 12 hours, with no rules or time limits. They can engage in fisticuffs. I don't care...as long as there's only ONE.
Then, on election day, we all vote for one or the other. Most votes wins. Over!
No conventions, with weird people covered with buttons and funny hats waving signs. No year-long campaigns. And, above ALL, no electoral college or delegates. One debate instead of twenty. Two months of campaigning instead of twelve. Two elections instead of 50+. The winner is decided by voters. Isn't that democracy?
There would be one major drawback to my plan, however. We would miss all of the prognosticating and press frenzies, as well as the refined art of "spinning". It's amazing to see what statistics are tossed about during and after the endless primaries and caucuses (or is it caucii?). ;-) "Despite only one per cent of the votes tabulated, we have determined that candidate Bernard Wheezer has won the Montana primary, based on exit polls". Then later, losing candidate Blanche Drillbit's campaign will claim that, despite losing by an 87%-13% margin, they are extremely pleased with the results, which showed that they received 100% support from women over 87, who smoke cigars, drive Buicks and have "substantial body hair".
When I was a kid and we were choosing sides for a baseball or football game, the fit, capable players were picked first. The fat kid with glasses and asthma was picked last. When the class disagreed on whether to have brownies or cupcakes at the school party, a vote was taken, hands were raised, and one or the other was decided upon. Why can't those types of simplicity be used after we reach adulthood?
Maybe it's just me. I have refused to enter adulthood. To quote Mythbuster's star Adam Savage, "I reject your reality and substitute my own."
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© 2008